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It was something I decided needed to be done. The National Rifle Association of America, the gun lobby that has spent millions influencing policy at both state and federal levels, had convinced law makers that allowing people who own more than one gun to buy semiautomatic rifles with high-capacity magazines is just fine. This would be great for their bottom line of course, but I’ve come to think it's short-sighted for this nation. My decision was made easier by my recent reading about the moral psychology of Anders Breivik who killed 77 people in Norway on his way to killing 851 in Oslo using a rifle with a 100 round capacity magazine. His philosophy of ‘pre-emptive self defense’ is just an excuse for people who are afraid they are not in control to take that control. It’s the paranoia of the weak. The need to kill someone in order to prove your dominance, either over them or most importantly over yourself, is why my choice is so easy.My most recent kills have been an eye opener for me, showing me that I am most definitely not too old for this work. I see the effects on my targets most clearly when they are still alive which is what makes them such good prey. The surprise and confusion, the horror and fear give them away to anyone who knows what they are looking for. They are the ones who know without question that they were wronged, that injustice exists in this world and that someone has to be punished. It is their emotions that give me pleasure, there is no remorse or regret at all on my part. I have always been a sociopath but it wasn't until I was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder that I realized I am not entirely human. I was already past the point of caring about what anyone else thought of me but having a diagnosis helped me make sense of things. It helped me to rationalize my urges. Most importantly, it helped me realize that I am not the only person in the world who has to suppress his/her natural tendencies in order to fit in. Whether it is to appear more sympathetic or kind, or because of love or fear, there are many of us who practice self-restraint. I thought back on the people I've known who were diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and I realized that they used their diagnosis as an excuse for everything they did wrong. They never admitted fault, if they hurt someone's feelings it was because they lacked understanding of social cues or weren't aware of how their actions impacted others. In reality, they were just as selfish, callous and cruel as everyone else, they just didn't know how to control themselves. I've come to realize that I am not them though, I am a sociopath. My lack of empathy and compassion is a product of my own genetics and upbringing. Whether or not it is a product of autism is irrelevant to me.My parents divorced when I was 12 years old and after that divorce my mom had a hard time with her depression. She was barely able to get out of bed most days but her father did what he could to help her get on her feet. cfa1e77820
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